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Introduction............................................................................................................................................................ 5
Our Design and Purpose—Why do Relationships Affect Us so Much?............................... 8
Our relationship
first to God.................................................................................................................... 9
Our relationship
to others....................................................................................................................... 11
God brings us back........................................................................................................................................... 12
God’s Wonderful Blessing—How to Have Great Relationships....................................... 14
Levels of
friendship......................................................................................................................................... 15
Acquaintance........................................................................................................................................................ 17
Casual.................................................................................................................................................................... 17
Close....................................................................................................................................................................... 18
Intimate.................................................................................................................................................................. 19
First
impressions—mistakes that you can make on a date (or in any relationship) 20
Do not plan out in your mind exactly how the date should go................................................................... 20
Hiding the real you so that you can fit into the other person’s
expectations.......................................... 21
Lying about yourself............................................................................................................................................ 21
Bragging................................................................................................................................................................ 22
Avoid excessive disclosure................................................................................................................................. 23
Not complimenting.............................................................................................................................................. 23
Avoid rude behavior............................................................................................................................................ 24
Do not talk about your ex.................................................................................................................................. 24
Do not put yourself down................................................................................................................................... 24
Do not blame mishaps on the other person..................................................................................................... 25
Do not gossip........................................................................................................................................................ 26
Do not to confuse attention with love.............................................................................................................. 26
Giving the person another chance................................................................................................................... 26
Keys to good
friendships.............................................................................................................................. 27
Be willing to be the first to open up................................................................................................................. 27
Understand that not every situation will work out the way that you might
have hoped....................... 29
Learn to listen....................................................................................................................................................... 30
Be available.......................................................................................................................................................... 31
Do not return anger or digs in like manner.................................................................................................... 34
Do not judge other people.................................................................................................................................. 35
Be loyal.................................................................................................................................................................. 38
Do not be a pest.................................................................................................................................................... 41
If you expect mercy then give mercy................................................................................................................. 41
Do not defend yourself at another’s expense.................................................................................................. 43
Do not force Christians to meet higher expectations.................................................................................... 43
Be genuine............................................................................................................................................................. 47
Be positive............................................................................................................................................................. 47
Foundations for
deep relationships................................................................................................... 49
Trust........................................................................................................................................................................ 49
Consistency........................................................................................................................................................... 50
Respect................................................................................................................................................................... 51
Understanding...................................................................................................................................................... 52
Communication.................................................................................................................................................... 55
Patience................................................................................................................................................................. 58
Repentance............................................................................................................................................................ 59
Forgiveness........................................................................................................................................................... 60
Love........................................................................................................................................................................ 66
Expectations....................................................................................................................................................... 71
An example of a
Biblical relationship—Jonathan and David.......................................... 74
Dark Clouds and Red Lights—Relationship Problems............................................................ 85
Unhealthy thinking........................................................................................................................................ 86
You find yourself only with companions rather than in relationships...................................................... 86
You avoid close relationships out of fear of being hurt................................................................................ 87
You avoid close relationships out of fear of being exposed......................................................................... 87
You avoid close relationships because you want to stay in complete
control......................................... 88
You lack social/personnel skills so you do not even try.............................................................................. 89
You expect perfect relationships and then bail out when your expectations
are not met..................... 90
You expect everyone else to make the effort.................................................................................................... 90
Unhealthy people............................................................................................................................................. 91
The constantly rescued....................................................................................................................................... 92
The perfectionist................................................................................................................................................... 93
The controller....................................................................................................................................................... 93
The flawless........................................................................................................................................................... 94
The possessor........................................................................................................................................................ 94
The fixer................................................................................................................................................................. 95
The abuser............................................................................................................................................................. 95
Physical abuse...................................................................................................................................................... 96
Emotional/Verbal/Mental abuse........................................................................................................................... 96
Sexual abuse......................................................................................................................................................... 97
General questions to ask yourself........................................................................................................................ 97
The addicted......................................................................................................................................................... 98
The mentally disordered..................................................................................................................................... 99
Unhealthy
relationships.......................................................................................................................... 100
Relationships based on a single trait............................................................................................................ 101
Relationships that are opposed by your friends.......................................................................................... 104
Relationships based not on who they are but on what they may become............................................... 105
Relationships that are unbalanced................................................................................................................ 106
Relationships based on desperation.............................................................................................................. 107
Relationships still living in the past.............................................................................................................. 108
Relationships where conflicts are not properly handled and resolved.................................................. 108
Relationships with frequent lying, criticism, anger, or belittling............................................................ 109
Relationships that are not yet available....................................................................................................... 110
Love and Pain—Relationships that Hurt......................................................................................... 112
Resolving
Conflicts....................................................................................................................................... 113
Why should we resolve conflicts?................................................................................................................... 114
Conflicts strike at the very heart of who we think God is.......................................................................... 116
What does it mean to reconcile with someone?........................................................................................... 118
Principles of Resolving Conflicts................................................................................................................... 118
Conclusion.......................................................................................................................................................... 123
How to Heal from a
Broken Relationship...................................................................................... 126
Wanting to be healed........................................................................................................................................ 129
God’s healing..................................................................................................................................................... 130
What a broken relationship can do to us...................................................................................................... 132
Improper ways to respond to a broken relationship.................................................................................. 136
Anger and Frustration........................................................................................................................................ 136
Applying inappropriate blame.......................................................................................................................... 138
Blaming the other person completely............................................................................................................ 138
Blaming yourself completely......................................................................................................................... 139
Applying sin where no sin is involved.............................................................................................................. 141
Revenge or trying to hurt the person................................................................................................................. 141
Unwarranted Hope............................................................................................................................................ 142
Ignoring the person............................................................................................................................................ 143
Playing the extreme victim................................................................................................................................. 144
Hardening your heart......................................................................................................................................... 144
Bitterness........................................................................................................................................................... 147
Addiction........................................................................................................................................................... 148
Replaying the situation...................................................................................................................................... 149
Conclusion......................................................................................................................................................... 150
What are some of the proper ways that we can react to a broken
relationship?.................................. 151
Do not isolate yourself from God or from others for too long of a period........................................................ 151
Pray.................................................................................................................................................................... 152
Pray for yourself........................................................................................................................................... 152
Pray for the other person.............................................................................................................................. 153
Forgiveness........................................................................................................................................................ 154
Let it go; move on.............................................................................................................................................. 155
People have the right to choose who they want to be in a relationship with
and whom they do not............... 155
We can heal......................................................................................................................................................... 156
Saving your Best—Purity............................................................................................................................ 158
Purity of the eyes............................................................................................................................................ 159
Purity of thoughts........................................................................................................................................ 160
Purity of action.............................................................................................................................................. 162
Reasons against immorality and some of its effects..................................................................................... 166
An example of someone who fell to immorality............................................................................................ 170
How to minimize
the temptation to us and from us.............................................................. 175
Men....................................................................................................................................................................... 175
Women.................................................................................................................................................................. 175
Both men and women........................................................................................................................................ 175
Some gray areas................................................................................................................................................. 176
Conclusion.......................................................................................................................................................... 178
Getting There—What Does the Bible Say About Dating, Courtship, Betrothal,
and Divine Manipulation?........................................................................................................................................................................................ 179
Four possible
methods of meeting other people........................................................................ 181
Definitions........................................................................................................................................................... 181
Dating................................................................................................................................................................. 181
Courtship........................................................................................................................................................... 182
Betrothal or Arrangement.................................................................................................................................. 183
Divine Manipulation.......................................................................................................................................... 183
What about each method?............................................................................................................................... 184
Dating................................................................................................................................................................. 184
Courtship........................................................................................................................................................... 190
Betrothal or Arranged........................................................................................................................................ 191
Divine Manipulation.......................................................................................................................................... 193
How did it happen in the Bible....................................................................................................................... 197
Summary.............................................................................................................................................................. 200
Is This the One?—How to know the will of God regarding marriage........................ 203
God’s commandments.................................................................................................................................. 205
Compatibility.................................................................................................................................................... 209
Counsel.................................................................................................................................................................. 210
Hearing the Holy
Spirit or other supernatural means of guidance........................... 212
Dreams................................................................................................................................................................. 213
Fleeces................................................................................................................................................................. 214
Other people’s prophecy or revelations........................................................................................................ 215
Signs..................................................................................................................................................................... 217
Validation........................................................................................................................................................... 218
Circumstances and
open/closed doors........................................................................................... 218
Peace of God....................................................................................................................................................... 220
Government........................................................................................................................................................ 220
Conscience........................................................................................................................................................... 221
Time.......................................................................................................................................................................... 221
Miscellaneous
Considerations............................................................................................................. 223
Conclusion.......................................................................................................................................................... 226
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