10   Meetings and Puzzles

When you have an army of Generals no one ever leaves the strategy tent

After breakfast, Thomas and Toni were sitting on the second floor balcony of her house trying to decide what to do that day. Thomas had not seen the angst-feeders going on a week now and so was feeling much more relaxed about that. Even the snake in the woods was only flashing into his thoughts every couple of hours now rather than every couple of minutes. Maybe this was going to be a good summer after all, he thought.

Thomas was looking up over the roof. Then he looked around at the other houses. “Why does every chimney have what looks like a lid on it? I know that you should put a cap on a chimney to keep out the birds and squirrels and such but all of these are in an upright position. They aren’t covering anything. What are they for?”

Toni did not look up. “Don’t worry about that. It’s nothing that you’ll ever need to concern yourself with, I’m sure.” She paused for a bit and then said quickly, “What was something that you did as a child that seemed really important at the time but now, looking back, seems rather silly?”

Thomas momentarily still thought about the lids and Toni’s evasive answer but then said, “When I was a child I dug a small hole near the street in front of our house. I put on the bottom of it red berries that I had carefully gathered from nearby bushes. I said ‘carefully’ because I believed those berries to be extremely poisonous, if not the most deadly berries to be found on the earth. I never saw anyone eat these berries and once I found a dead bird lying at the foot of the bush. If that wasn’t convincing then nothing was.

“While I was dropping in the last of the berries a girl slightly older than me came by. I told her that the pit was a trap filled with poison and that anyone who stepped into it would die. Without hesitation, she put her foot into it, waited a few seconds and said all too glibly, ‘That’s just stupid. There’s no poison there; see, I’m still alive.’ and walked off. I stared after her expecting her to suddenly go rigid and then fall over dead as an old tree branch. But when she disappeared around the corner at the end of the block and I didn’t hear any screams I knew that I was wrong.

“I was stunned speechless. I guess, in a way, I knew in my heart that the berries weren’t really poisonous or at least not the most poisonous on the face of the earth, but I could live with that as part of the game. But to have someone so demonstrably shatter my illusion left me with nothing but a hole with squashed berries. How could I go on? There was nothing left. The game was over far too soon. Whereas before, I could make believe, now the whole thing just seemed dopey. After she smugly walked away and disappeared I quickly pushed dirt back into the hole and patted the top smooth. I even scattered a few stones to make it match the rest of the area. I certainly didn’t want to leave any evidence of my obvious stupidity.

                “I sat on the ground for quite a while with my birdie legs sticking out of my overly large, brown, baggy shorts. My plans for the morning—building traps—were laid to waste, buried beneath the newly patted earth.”

                Toni asked, “Why was it even such a big deal? OK, the trap didn’t really work. So what? What were you expecting to trap anyway?”

                “I guess that I had envisioned some stranger with no good on his mind canvassing the neighborhood with some evil to perpetrate. He would then accidentally step into my clever trap. (It was going to be disguised, of course.) The poison would quickly penetrate his shoes and socks, diffuse into his skin, and rapidly contaminate his blood. He would gasp for air, his heart would race a few times, his eyes would bulge, and then he would fall over with his foot still stuck in my hole. The neighborhood would be saved from this scourge and everyone would know that it was my doing. I had protected lives and possessions. My life would have had taken on a greater purpose than plastic soldiers and tiny dump trucks. This was to have been my launching pad to rise above commonality.

                “Rather ambitious for—what—a six-year old? But a too-smart-for-her-own-self girl had to ruin it all with reality.” Thomas looked as glum and disappointed just then as he probably did those seven years earlier.

                “But, I bet,” said Toni, “you still hope for some version of that scenario to play out some time in your life.”

                “Don’t we all?”

                They decided to give Russell and Sarah a call and meet at the park. Sarah would make something for lunch and they would all find a picnic table.

                Back down in the kitchen Sarah asked Thomas, “Do you like fresh mozzarella and grilled eggplant sandwiches with basil?”

                “You bet!” answered Thomas almost licking his lips. “That would be great.”

                “Well, we’re going to have peanut butter and jelly.”

An hour later all four of them were all chomping down on the PB&J and talking about some of the happenings around town.

                “I’ve been hearing rumors about some of the new people in town… and nothing has been terribly good,” said Sarah.

                “Have you heard these rumors from people who shouldn’t be sticking their noses in other people’s business?” chided Toni.

                “Nooo,” said Sarah dragging out that word. “Actually, I’ve heard the same thing from a number of different people. I don’t know any specifics just that they’ve been having a bad influence on some.”

Just then Gary and several of his friends went out of their way to walk close to the group.

                Gary said with a smirk, “So Russell, still tucking your T-shirt into your underwear?”

                Russell responded, “No, now I tuck it into my socks.” He smiled smugly at Gary whose smile disappeared and then his mouth gaped like an open mailbox.

                Not knowing when to stop at merely being a jerk Gary blurted out, “I bet you still wet your bed.”

                Before Russell could top him again Thomas said, “Here’s a thought. Why don’t you continue on to where you were going and we won’t disconcert you any further.”

                Gary responded, “Yea, um, well, we certainly wouldn’t want you to disconcert anyone. You might hurt yourself.” He turned to his friends and they all gave a weak but confused laugh.

To which Thomas replied, “Something like that.”

At that Gary smirked and slightly tossed his head as though he had won and he and his pack left. The group silently watched them leave.

“Every year I come back there is always one thing that stays the same. Building get additions, shrubs fill in, Toni’s mother’s cooking keeps getting better, but Gary remains a solid and immutable idiot,” said Thomas.

“Immutable?!” proclaimed Russell. “What did you do, swallow a dictionary?”

“Let’s change the subject,” said Toni. “The problem with people like Gary is that they are insecure. They can’t stand on their own merits so they have to build themselves up by inventing shortcomings in other people. They prop up their own self-esteem by trying to make other people seem smaller than they really are.”

“Hey,” blurted out Russell, “I don’t tuck my T-shirts into my underwear… or into my socks for that matter. And I’m not small!”

“We know that,” replied Toni calmly with a reassuring grin. “Maybe it was a bad example. Gary is so insecure that he tries to get your goat by making things up. But the best thing that you can do is what you did; don’t insult him back but either show him that you aren’t bothered by it or top him by making his comment even more ridiculous. In other words, keep your goat content and he won’t get it.”

Sarah jumped in, “But it is hard to keep your goat content when the wolf is growling at the gate.”

Toni replied, “Than trust your goat to the safety of the shepherd who watches over it.”

“Huh,” said Sarah looking very quizzical.

“If you know that God accepts you then why do you care about the wolf?” asked Toni.

“True enough,” replied Sarah.

With the situation having been defused and with Russell wanting to discuss anything else he turned to Thomas, “So, you make up any new riddles this last year?”

Thomas smiled coyly, “I’ve got a few.”

Toni perked up, “A few! So give us one.”

Thomas agreed, “OK, here goes. This first one is easy.”

“I hate when someone says that,” interrupted Sarah, “then if we don’t get it we really look stupid.”

Thomas chuckled, “I have hands but no fingers, a face but no nose. I make noise but have no throat. I am a grandfather but have no children. Sometimes I have feet but even then I cannot walk. Who or what am I?”

Sarah spoke first, “Without fingers, a nose, a throat and cannot walk so then you are either inanimate or a very low life form.”

“Maybe it’s Gary,” Russell chimed in.

“Russell,” Toni gently scolded.

“Well, I didn’t say which one he is,” said Russell.

Toni ignored him, “Only people can be grandfathers.”

Russell jumped in excitedly, “or clocks.” He then grinned knowingly.

Thomas pointed to Russell. “You win round one.”

Russell smiled broadly and looked down but it was obvious that he was quite pleased.

“So what’s another?” asked Toni wanting to win one. “But make this one a little harder.” As if to imply that she had that puppy by its ears all along but held back.

“OK, here goes. I am all around you. You can’t get away from me no matter how far you go. You can’t escape me in outer space or in the deepest ocean. I can be different colors and shapes. You can never see me all at once. Without me you would die. Who or what am I?”

“Oooo, that one is harder,” said Sarah.

“I’m sure that we’ll get it,” said Toni with firm assurance. “Let’s just take it apart. First what is all around us?”

“Air,” Russell blurted out.

“Light,” added Sarah.

“Oxygen,” said Russell and then his eyes shifted to the side and his lips pursed. “That would basically be the same as air, I guess.”

“Anything else?” asked Toni. There was a pause. Then she said, “What about atoms, molecules, electrons?”

Sarah jumped in, “And bacteria and viruses.”

Thomas tried to suppress a clue of a smile.

“By that near smile,” put in Toni, “I’d say that we’re on the wrong path.”

“I didn’t say anything,” protested Thomas still grinning. “Maybe I grinned because you are on the right path. Maybe I grinned because I’m thinking about sour cream, green onion potato chips.”

“You didn’t have to say anything,” Toni remarked. “And besides, that was not a potato chip grin. I know your potato chip grin and that was not it.”

“OK, OK. Do you want a hint?”

“We don’t give up that easily,” Sarah responded.

“So let’s look at this from a different angle.” Toni was determined not to give in. “Maybe it’s something abstract. We’re surrounded by information, sin, goodness, knowledge, life, death. Do any of those fit? What else?”

Sarah questioned, “But none of that comes in different colors.”

Toni thought hard, “OK, you’ve got a point. Let’s go from a supernatural viewpoint. We’re surrounded by God, angels, and demons. Do any of those work?”

Sarah replied, “You could probably remove angels and demons and we’d still live.”

Russell chimed in, “But if you remove God we would die. So maybe God’s the answer.”

Thomas responded, “In a way, you can say that God is always the answer. But in this case, nope, because…”

Toni was back to setting the pace. “Is there anything else that we are surrounded by?” She looked hard at Russell to try and get a clue.

“What are you staring at me like that for? You’re creeping me out. Stop it.”

“Clothes,” said Toni firmly. “We’re all surrounded by clothes.”

“You’re getting closer,” put in Thomas.

“You hush,” said Toni quickly. “We don’t want any hints cause if you give us a hint then when we get it you’ll claim that it was a tainted victory.” She stared some more at Russell. He didn’t care for this scrutiny and squirmed in his seat. But he thought that she must be on to something.

Toni continued slowly. “Hair. Cells.” At this Thomas shifted. Toni cast a quick glance at him and then narrowed her gaze on Russell. Russell was about to yell out “Stop it!” again when Toni said, “Skin.” Then she paused. You could see her eyes shifting back and forth as if reading each line in the puzzle to see if it fit. Then she cried out, “Skin. That’s it. It fits. The answer is skin.” She sat up straight and looked around at everyone. Russell relaxed.

Thomas pointed at Toni. “You win round two.”

Toni seemed quite satisfied. It did not make any difference if she got any more – she had gotten one and that was proof enough.

Sarah whined. “Oh, come on. One more. You’ve got to have at least one more.” Sarah surely did not want to be the only one who did not take home a prize.

“OK, since you’re being so pitiful.” Sarah tightened her mouth and looked hard at Thomas. He merely snickered. “Here goes. When you eat this you feel ashamed. Most people have far too many of them. Oftentimes the same thing in a different country is useless to you unless someone can help you. Some are big and some are small. Most you are familiar with but occasionally you’ll come across one that you don’t know. What am I?” Thomas sat back and crossed his arms. He knew that this was going to take a while.

Russell leaned forward onto the table. “I know that answer to that one. It’s easy.” He paused to savor the moment and also to ensure that no one else had figured it out that quickly. After all, if he gave everyone a few more seconds and they still couldn’t come up with it then he did not just win; he conquered. After glancing around at everyone he said, “Words. The answer is words.” He grinned with great satisfaction.

Thomas’ arms fell limp. “How… how did you get that one so quickly? I thought that you all would take a really long time on that one.”

“I should know because I’m eating my words all of the time.” Russell crossed his arms high up on his chest and looked away as if he were a Goliath among children.

Thomas said just above his breath, “I need dumber friends.”

“Hey,” shouted Toni.

Thomas could see that Sarah was looking pouty so he said, “Ok, one more and that’s it. Here it is. Sometimes you get into me and sometimes I get into you. You can’t burn me, but I can burn you. But sometimes when something else burns you I can be soothing. I am powerful enough to move huge objects, but you can hold me in your hand. Who or what am I?”

Sarah said, “Wait, wait, I think that I’ve got this one.” Everyone looked at her. There was a very long pause. Sarah squirmed and fidgeted. More silence and then she put her head down.

Thomas looked past everyone and said in a low voice, “Look over there in the parking lot next to the Laundromat.”

Sarah said firmly, “No, no hints. I can get this one.”

“No,” said Thomas, “that’s not a hint. I mean look over there but don’t be too obvious.”

Of course, they all turned at once and stared at the parking lot. A car that was sitting for a while a few buildings down had started up and discretely pulled in behind the Laundromat and stopped. A tall man emerged from a doorway and opened the passenger door and got in. The group could see the two momentarily lean in close to each other. Then the car backed out and left.

“Who was that?” asked Thomas.

“Which one?” said Russell.

“Either one,” responded Thomas.

“I’ve seen the tall guy a couple of times,” said Russell. “I never liked his looks. He seems to be hanging around Terese—I don’t know her last name—a lot. She’s the one who works down at the financial office building a few blocks down. He’s one of those new people in town that we were talking about earlier.”

Toni added, “Does he work at the Laundromat? Was she picking him up from work?”

Russell said, “Picking him up is certainly an appropriate phrase. No, he doesn’t work at the Laundromat. The Jamisons have owned that for years and only members of their family have ever worked there. I know the whole clan and none of them look like that guy. Actually I think that he works at the same place as Terese.”

“So it’s a stealthy rendezvous,” concluded Thomas. “This smells like a dead fish.”

“If she’s the person that I’m thinking of,” Toni remarked, “then isn’t she married?”

“She is indeed. As a matter of fact,” continued Russell, “She has been different the last month or so. She’s been more belligerent and if I ask her how she’s doing she just snaps back ‘fine.’ I don’t think that she’s been in church lately either.”

“Well, you’ve been quite the detective regarding the woman Terese, haven’t you, Russell?” asked Thomas with exaggerated suspicion.

Russell turned scarlet, “Just being observant, I guess.”